Sunday, April 29, 2012

Workout #81 of 2012 ~ Mental Collapse

Why I decided to do my most mentally challenging workout today when I have so many things on my mind is beyond me.  I tried to get through No More Trouble zones but only made it through circuit 3.  I cheated my way through circuit 4, skipping the surrenders entirely, I tried to begin circuit 5 and just had lost all mental control.  So I quit.  I am glad I stuck it out as far as I did but know that in the future, if I have serious things on my mind, cardio is a better option.  At least on the elliptical I can let my mind wander.

So what's been on my mind?  Some trivial things as usual but the last 7 days have been quite emotional.

1. Last Sunday my words were misinterpreted and I got a lot of hate email.  It happens.  If people don't know you, it's easy for them to misunderstand you.  I totally get that.

2. On Wednesday, I got a call that my sorority that I helped found lost its charter.  I watched the group deteriorate on Facebook and point fingers everywhere but where the real reason lay: the actives broke a rule, got caught, got a second chance, broke an agreement with the school, got caught, lost the charter.  It is so sad that what my close friends and I worked so hard to create ended this way.  Something positive did come out of this though.  Many of us have reconnected and really realized how much our time in the sorority and with each other means to us.

3. Also on Wednesday, I'm pretty sure I figured out that someone I never really got a long with lost a loved one overseas.  My heart has been aching for her all week.  Her pain hit so close to home because that has been a huge fear of mine dealing with my husband's deployments with the National Guard.

4. On Friday, I found out my awesome principal is moving to a different campus next year.  I have thoroughly enjoyed working under him and am sad to see him go.  The good news is that I have only heard good things about his replacement :).

5. Yesterday is when the worst happened.  My husband is in the National Guard and he found out that on Monday he will find out if he's being deployed again.  They are filling slots for high security clearance and he's one of the few who has high enough clearance.  The reality is he's probably going to be on this list.  If he is, he will be leaving on May 17th for 12 months.  The last time we had to do this, we only had one child and I lived with my parents.  This time around, we own a house 30 minutes away from my parents and have 2 kids.  I'm a silver lining kind of person, but right now, I just can't go there.  I'm not ready to see the positive.  Right now I'm scared and praying he's not on the list.  If you are reading this and believe in the power of prayer as I do, please say a quick one for him.  And then say one for our family: that if this happens, we can get through it again and most importantly that Brady (my husband) comes home safely again.

So I have a lot on my mind which explains my mental collapse mid-workout.


No comments:

Post a Comment