Saturday, May 1, 2010

Big FAT disappointment

So after a month of dieting and working out.  I weigh 158.2.  Which means, I haven't lost at all.  I tried on the jeans that were tight on April 1st... guess what, I still can't wear them.  By the way, those are size 12 jeans so that means I'm still on the tight end of size 12.  Which means what's the point of all of this hard work when it's not working????

I don't know what to do.  I've been trying since December to lose weight.  First I started exercising, then dieting, and drinking water.... And to what end?  To not lose anything??????

I am soooooooooooooooooo upset.  How can I stay motivated if there's no improvement?  Why is my body refusing to lose weight?  After Gavin, I ate what I wanted, didn't exercise hardly at all and by this point I was in ALL of my old clothes.  I also gained a lot more with his pregnancy.  I have been stuck from 158-165 since DECEMBER.  Why hasn't ANY MORE weight come off????  This does not make sense.  I'm only 27, my metabolism should not be at a standstill yet.

I am going to spend another summer fat.  The WORST summer of my life was the summer before I turned 21.  I remember being sooooooooooo miserable because I hated my body.  I'm there again and I weigh 8 pounds more than I did that summer.  I can't wear shorts (partially because I'm not going to spend money on big shorts) and I refuse to go out in a swimsuit like this.  God, this sucks!

All I want is to be back in my clothes before Kailee turns 1.  Most people don't take that long to lose the weight without even trying.  I am trying so unbelievably hard and it's not happening.  Since having Kailee the least I've weighed is 157.  I really thought I'd weigh at the most 155 today--that was me trying to set a realistic goal so that if I did better, it would be a nice surprise.  What a HUGE disappointment.

I could not wait for May 1st.  I kept pushing for today all month.  Every time I thought about stopping, I kept thinking, it will be worth it on May 1st.  And I was wrong.

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